How To Handle Women’s Mind Games

“Do I look fat in this dress?” This is a cliché but, unfortunately, familiar refrain.

Women have developed a reputation for being the masters of mind games – those manipulative, immature and counter-productive practices used to maintain control in relationships. Although both genders are guilty of playing them, men tend to complain more frequently about being the pawns for female games.

So why do women do this? Some use these games to test their partner’s limits while others may be insecure about themselves and their relationships, and therefore act out in this way. Moreover, some women play games so they can be the dominant partners in the relationship.

How do some of these mind games work? Many women continue to be serial flirts, even though they have an exclusive boyfriend. She may be doing this for two reasons. Firstly, she may be trying to make you feel jealous because you haven’t been paying her much attention or she may fear that you are no longer attracted to her. Your girlfriend may also be doing this to remind you that she’s still desirable to other men and perhaps could move on from you at any time.

The best approach to this would be to tell her in a calm and rational manner how you feel about her flirting with every man in sight. Do NOT shower her with attention without first trying to figure why she’s being such a flirt because you would be rewarding her behaviour; thus, she’ll do the same thing once again if she feels neglected. However, please note that if she was a serial flirt when she first met you and never stopped then this is a personality trait, not a spiteful game.

Men often accuse women of expecting them to be mind-readers, that is, expect them to know their sexual desires, favourite movies, and several trivial details; some even demand their boyfriends to guess what their thinking, what they want and how they want it. The woman who does this is most likely testing her boyfriend’s feelings for her. She wants to know if you understand her emotions and pay attention to her. To avoid this situation, actively listen to her and remember specific details. However, some women do carry this game to extremes and that should not be tolerated.

Some women pick silly arguments with their boyfriend simply because they’ve had a bad day. If your partner does this, she is probably taking out her frustrations on you. This is common among both sexes. It would be best to tell her that you’re willing to discuss what’s really bothering her. Nonetheless, that ‘silly argument’ may turn out to be a bigger problem than you realised.

Overall, mind games should not be silently tolerated but be dealt with swiftly. As soon as a game crops up, put your foot down and demand a stop to that manipulative song and dance. Sometimes, open and honest communication is the best way to win these games. If the problem still persists, you will know the time has come to end the relationship.

Note: I originally published this in The Nation.

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