“Breaking up is hard to do” is a cliché phrase for a reason. Ending a romantic relationship can be a very distressing process to the point where you can barely eat, sleep or think. The break-up is tough even when it’s the end of a bad relationship as you would have been emotionally attached to your significant other.
You’re probably going through a slew of emotions. You may be angry with your boyfriend for leaving you, be in denial that the relationship is over, feel guilty for hurting him, or be afraid and feel uncertain about your future without him.
It’s okay, healthy even, to go through a period of emotional turmoil right after a break-up. So, cry your eyes out and vent to your best friends but don’t let the process get drawn out for a very long period of time.
And how do you cope?
First of all, stay away from him. Do not call, text or email him. Do not appear at his house or his favourite hangouts. Do NOT have sex with him. You need time to think over what happened objectively. People tend to romanticise memories and focus on the positive aspects of a relationship, wondering if they are worth enduring the negative stuff. Perhaps the pros do outweigh the cons but keep your distance until you finish grieving so you can make a decision with a clear head. Just remember, you broke up for a reason.
Reflect on everything but not obsessively. It may help you to understand what went wrong and to get closure. Learn from your mistakes and try not to repeat them in future relationships.
Keep yourself busy. You need the distraction. Follow your normal routine as much as possible and take up a new, time consuming activity. Go on a long trip with friends, find a new hobby or try your hand at a physically demanding activity. Exercise is good therapy because it can help you release your frustrations, improve your mood and help you get some sleep (as this is a problem for many depressed people).
Beware the rebound. It’s pretty common for someone who’s fresh out of a relationship to start “hanging out” with a new guy. Have fun but guard your heart. Do not get so caught up with the idea of being in love that you don’t see your new “friendship” for what it really is – a fling to help you forget your ex. Sometimes these can lead to something meaningful but for the most part they’re just a temporary remedy for the break-up blues.
Finally, fall in love with you. Get re-acquainted with you. Try the stuff you didn’t have time for before because you were busy in a relationship. Review your life goals and focus on achieving them so you can become a better you.

Stumble It!

On this week’s episode of The CW’s Gossip Girl, Lily Van der Woodsen and Rufus Humphrey share their lists with each other — as in, all the people they’ve ever slept with. Yes, we too gasped, “OMG, what the hell were they thinking?”

Just about every woman has experienced that pang of nausea when a guy we’re with brings up an ex. Of course you want him to be experienced, so he’s not completely clueless in bed…. It’s just that, deep down in your most impractical self, you’d like to believe that he’s never dated, had sex with, or loved any other woman. Ever.

Cataloging Your Conquests
So why is it that we feel compelled to take inventory of our own past hookups, and then — when we’re feeling reckless — sometimes to share that info? “People do it partly because they’re trying to measure their sexual prowess — or measure that of the guy they’re dating,” says Patricia Covalt, PhD, author of What Smart Couples Know. Making a list to begin with usually comes down to wanting to feel as if you’ve accomplished enough sexually. If you can tick off types like “the bad boy,” “the athlete,” “the emotive guy” on your sex-and-dating “been-there-done-that” list, you can feel like you’ve learned something. And it’s certainly true that everyone has a sexual past that has made them, at least in part, the boyfriend or girlfriend material they are today.

“There’s also a perception that you’ll perform better sexually if you have the ‘right’ number of previous partners,” Covalt says. “The problem is, you can drive yourself crazy trying to figure out what the ‘right’ number is.”

To Spill or Not to Spill?
Sometimes, experts agree, jotting down — and mentally revisiting — the people you bagged back in the day can be cathartic. It can help you draw on the positive aspects of past relationships (or even those one-night stands), or simply remind you of what you don’t want in future partners. It’s also possible that sharing your log with a boyfriend could diffuse problems down the road. For instance, by being aware of all the girls he’s been with, you can prep yourself for social situations where a guy’s ex may turn up.

More likely, though, the potential pitfalls will outweigh the benefits. “Revealing the names of all the guys you’ve been with will open a Pandora’s box worth of issues,” advises New York-based psychotherapist JoAnn Magdoff, PhD. Do you really want to make your guy call to mind the chicks he’s slept with in the past, and the flings-that-might-have-been-more? If you go through with it, Magdoff says, you’ll probably end up ambushed by intense feelings of sexual jealousy, insecurity about your own skills, and an overall feeling of inadequacy in your relationship. You also may be faced with that old double standard: Guys who have a litany of past partners are often seen as studs; women are more likely to be viewed as promiscuous.

Roll Call Resisting
So if you decide you really do want to go there with this whole full-disclosure thing, be prepared for what you learn.

But first, consider doing this: As an alternative, Covalt suggests simply having a general, vague conversation about how experienced you are sexually, and whether you have had any particularly positive or negative experiences. Or, if you’re worried about exes popping up at the next party, you can simply create a rule for the situation, such as: If anyone enters your lives who either of you knew romantically before, you’ll immediately fill your partner in. Then go ahead and secretly hope it never happens — because you’re his first, of course.

Taken from cosmopolitan.com

Unlike her classmates at Vassar (which, mind you, was the all-female equivalent of Harvard or Yale in her day), Jackie had little use for giddiness when it came to men. A fierce competitor who accepted only winning, she treated the acquisition of suitable men as both an art and a business — a discipline to approach with the utmost seriousness. One might fault her father, John “Black Jack” Bouvier, with giving her such an unromantic view of the male species.

Yet it was his cocktail of womanizing, drinking, money woes and vanity that ironically prepared her for the less attractive side of men. In fact, her father convinced her that cheating was in a man’s DNA, a lesson that helped her never to take such behavior personally. Jackie’s arsenal of wooing weaponry was vast. Among her more successful spearing techniques:

By Dushan Zaric and Jason Kosmas

You Disconnect, on Purpose or Not
Obviously, if you don’t want to talk to the guy anymore, or you’re looking to get out of the bar in general, slowing down the conversation or pulling back a bit is natural. But sometimes we’ve watched women who swear to us they were really into the guy seem to suggest they’d rather be home knitting. A lot of times it’s because they get scared they’re being too forward, so they tone it down a little bit to make the guy want more. But the thing is, guys aren’t subtle. They don’t see that they’re supposed to mix the outgoing person you were 10 minutes ago with the reserved person you’ve just become, and presto! They’ve seen the real you. Because while you think you’re playing coy, you’re actually just reading cold.

A friend of ours decided just the other night that he wasn’t going to stick around to see if he could follow through with this one woman he’d been talking to all night because she continued to excuse herself, every 15 minutes or so, to go outside and have a cigarette when they were in the middle of a conversation. Understand, this dude doesn’t have a problem with women who smoke — or at least it’s not a deal breaker. But since he doesn’t have a nicotine addiction, he didn’t understand that she wasn’t just trying to make an excuse to take breaks because he was boring her. If you’re really interested in a guy, see if you can stick around for slightly longer intervals. Or ask him if he’d like to come join you, if you do in fact need to get up every 15 minutes for a break. Otherwise, don’t be surprised if there’s someone else on your bar stool when you return.

1. May I Have This Dance? Feel free to initiate contact with a potential Mr. Wonderful. As in real life, male online daters commonly make the first move, so a note from an attractive woman like you will be the highlight of his day. Keep it short but include something that shows you relate to particulars in his ad: “I was drawn to your love of swing dancing.” He wants to feel singled out, not receive a cookie-cutter response that could be sent to every man on the site.
2. Capital Offenses. Your mom likely told you it’s rude to shout, but she didn’t forewarn you that USING CAPS IN YOUR EMAILS is the same as yelling. The woman who gave you life probably also neglected to advise you to beware of men who communicate via “winks” (an option to contact another member to convey interest, without writing a message – or paying), one-word responses and “collect calls.” The former two are lazy with a side order of obnoxiousness; the latter expects you to pay for the privilege of receiving his email.Online dater Sharon Hodgson has her list of top tacky transgressions. “Obviously looks are important and you should expect the other person will want a photo. But when the first thing a respondent asks is, ‘Do you have a picture?’ – often when he hasn’t posted one! – my radar is up.” Hodgson also cites emoticon offenders. The University of Maryland social worker sniffs, “I can’t take anyone seriously who is constantly doing LOL or smiley-facing or even writing shorthand. People shouldn’t be so casual in emails.”
3. Just Say No. Women typically get swamped in emails, so they let slide the ones from men that don’t interest them. While not a cardinal offense, it’s a little cruel to keep him hanging. Send an acknowledgment along the lines of, “I’m complimented that such a great guy wants to know me a little better. Unfortunately I don’t see us as compatible. But thank you so much for writing and best of luck.”
4. Honesty Lite. Emily Calvo explains, “I am not advocating lying. It’s important to tell the truth.” The author of 25 Words Or Less: How To Write Like A Pro To Meet That Special Someone Through Personal Ads quickly adds, “However, don’t tell too much too soon. A little mystery is better than a lengthy soap opera detailing all that analysis has taught you.” Give the essentials with a positive spin. For example, it’s important for him to know you’re a single mother. But don’t complain about your stresses. Instead, share that while you love your kids, it’s time for you to develop a personal life.At this early stage it’s also important to share information that might quickly uncover a major incompatibility. Say he’s allergic to animals and you have two kittens. Or you’re a vegetarian and he’s a butcher with a rib roast fixation. And he’ll realize you’re a night owl if the timestamps on your emails are 2am rather than 8pm. Better to suss out potential roadblocks sooner than later.
5. From Computer to Coffeehouse. Resist the temptation to get caught up in an online love affair where each of you writes increasingly lengthy and intimate life histories. It’s impossible to discover whether you’re suited until you’re sharing oxygen. How many emails should it take before you get together? National dating coach Patti Feinstein says, “Emailing back and forth for a month never works. Once a mutual agreement is made that there is interest, it’s best to meet as soon as possible.” Online dater Sherry Alpert attempts to set up a phone call and/or a date after two or three reciprocated emails. “The ones who won’t do it I call ‘toe in the water’ guys. I’ve noted to them that prolonged emails are a waste of time.” Her firmness usually eliminates the vague “let’s get together sometime” emails. If the man refuses to be pinned down for a meeting without a valid excuse (ie, an out-of-town trip is on the horizon), she’s soon outta there.
6. Post-Date Email. Scenario 1: If you like the guy and don’t hear from him within a few days, it’s fine to shoot off a quick email: “Thanks for the drink and the fun company. I really enjoyed meeting you.” He’ll either contact you for a date or not. If it’s “or not,” cut your losses and move on. Scenario 2: You don’t like the guy and he keeps bugging you for a return engagement. Just send a quick note: “While I truly enjoyed meeting you, I just didn’t feel we were compatible enough to pursue a relationship. But I wish you all the best.”

Taken from iVillage.com

When you’re gearing up for a night out, you probably have a pretty standard check-list: Sexy top? Clearly. Killer pair of heels? Obvs. But there’s a big difference between a guy checking you out and a guy who can’t resist your spell.

That’s why some new research being done on attraction is so intriguing — it offers subtle, novel strategies for not only grabbing attention but also inspiring plenty of introductions and phone-number exchanges. Get ready to work your come-and-meet-me voodoo by tapping in to the way dudes’ brains work.

1. Don’t Disregard the Basics
Even the best ninja-level seduction tricks will be useless if you don’t practice good fundamentals. You may have heard of, or even used, these manoeuvres before, but their success makes them worth repeating. For starters, always keep your group of girls nice and small. “It’s ideal to go out with just one or two other friends,” says relationship expert Krista Bloom, PhD, author of The Ultimate Compatibility Quiz. “If you’re with a larger group, pair off for 30-minute intervals to give guys the opportunity to come up to you.”

Choose your wingwomen wisely — you want to be surrounded by friends who are outgoing and don’t need to be babysat — and avoid standing so that your shoulders are squared toward each other; physical openness will send the message that you’re okay with being approached and not engrossed in an intimate convo. Be sure to plant yourselves in a high-traffic area near the centre of the room…but never near an exit. You may get noticed there, but dudes who constantly eyeball the door are likely to be always looking for the next best thing.

2. Show Off Your Neck and Shoulders
Now on to more stealthy tactics. It’s certainly no secret that men are visual creatures. However, it turns out that convincing a guy to approach is far more complex than simply undoing an extra button. “It has less to do with displaying lots of cleavage and more to do with flaunting your shoulders,” says David Givens, PhD, author of Love Signals.

While men are evolutionarily attracted to both bare skin and soft, round shapes (duh), they also have a more developed subconscious that equates boobs spilling out of a too-tight dress with desperation. So opt for a slightly more discreet body-skimming halter or tube top to give off a confident, sexy vibe.

A bonus tip: Be sure to draw attention to your neck dimple — the little indentation beneath your throat and just above your clavicle — with an eye-catching necklace. Research shows that this often overlooked area is alluring to men because it represents femininity and vulnerability.

3. Use Your Drink as a Seduction Prop
A drink can be a great tool if handled correctly — as a conversation piece or to clink glasses with him flirtatiously. Just avoid using it as a security blanket. “Cradling a drink in front of you puts up a subtle barrier,” says body-language expert Greg Hartley, co-author of I Can Read You Like a Book. “It shows discomfort when you’re fiddling with your straw or a bottle label.” To avoid looking like a stressball with lipstick, set down your vodka on the bar or a nearby table now and then to use your hands while telling an especially funny story to a friend — it broadcasts your energy, which is superattractive.

4. Subtly Show Off Your Lower Half
Most men won’t appreciate your killer pair of designer heels — well, most straight guys, anyway — but strategically encouraging them to bring their focus downward will still work wonders to lure them over. “When you’re seated on a banquette or bar stool, try crossing and uncrossing your legs every minute or two,” says body-language expert Janine Driver. “It’s a flirtatious action that draws attention to a body part that men crave touching.”

Another trick: While one of your legs is crossed over the other, dangle your shoe from your toes so that it’s half off your foot. Not only does this action indicate that you’re unlikely to bolt if he approaches you, but it also suggests that you’re extremely relaxed and self-assured.

5. Put on Your Best Game Face
It’s not enough just to stand there and look gorgeous. You also have to flash some fierce and flirty looks. “We’re finding that men need a whole lot more coaxing than you’d think,” explains Ann Demarais, PhD, co-author of First Impressions. “You have to send a pretty strong message that you’d be receptive to the guy if he actually came over to talk to you.”

Always smile — sultry stares will backfire — and try this sneaky tactic to make him think he already knows you: “Flash both brows upward for a half-second and then drop them quickly,” suggests Hartley. “An eyebrow raise is a form of recognition, so you’ll have him scanning his mental database to figure out your connection and when he may have met you.”

In other words, his incentive to make a trek across the room is now twofold: He’s sure you took notice of him, so he’ll be encouraged by the flattery. Plus, he’ll be able to break the ice by asking if you know each other — without coming off like a cheese ball.

What Not to Get Noticed For
You don’t want to be a wallflower… but you really don’t want to attract attention for any of this mortifying behaviour.

• Dancing like nobody’s watching — except everybody is watching because you look like a crazed baboon that’s on fire
• Winning the Jäger-bomb competition you’d been having with a bunch of frat guys before losing the not-puking-all-over-the-floor competition that you had been having with your stomach
• Cramming as many mini quiches and pigs in a blanket as possible into your clutch for a late-night snack
• Doing a keg stand while wearing a baby-doll dress and no panties
• Actually, just doing a keg stand, period
• Bursting into tears anytime a guy you’re talking to excuses himself to go grab another drink
• Screaming “Don’t you touch my man!” at any girl who’s touching any man
• Walking out of the bathroom with your dress tucked into your tights
• Flying into a homicidal rage when the bartender gives you a full-calorie beer instead of a lite beer

Taken from cosmopolitan.com

For the next week or so I am going to feature articles under the theme “The Art of Seduction”. These articles will look at different techniques and approaches – some will surprise you – for attracting the right partner. The week will kick off with cosmopolitan.com’s Molly Fahner’s “Attract Hot Guys Like Crazy”.

We outgrow these illusions as we mature into adulthood, right? Maybe some of us do but there are many who, at some level, never really do. These poor gals are still waiting for the soul mate who will swoop in and take away their loneliness, heal their emotional wounds, and boost their self-esteem as well as their wallets. Well, girls, it hurts me to ruin the lovely fairy tale that runs your life but Prince Charming does NOT exist!

There is no such thing as the perfect man or the perfect ONE who fits into our lives perfectly. Men are just as flawed and dysfunctional as we are. If you’re not happy with your life, don’t mutter to yourself, “Everything will be better if I could just find HIM…” It’s not gonna happen!

If life sucks, you have to be the one to make it better or at least more bearable. You can’t wait for a man to be your saviour. No normal person wants to play that role, at least not forever. The concept may be romantic for some at first but eventually it would get too exhausting to watch over such an insecure woman.

Think about it this way. Pretend you’re Princess Charming coming in to save your “dream man” from himself. If you’re the nurturing type, that may be appealing. But now picture doing all of this work for 20 more years. Get the picture yet?

So, ladies. Whenever you find yourself humming “Someday My Prince Will Come” let the little girl in you daydream a bit but then pinch yourself so you can wake back up to reality.

Stumble It!

You and I have probably read mostly flawed and clueless articles on how to tell if a guy likes you. The reason these articles are flawed and clueless is because they are mostly written by women, who have no idea of the complex system that is man. So, in this article, I am going to clue you ladies in on how to tell if a guy really likes you.

Firstly, if a man is attracted to you, there will NEVER or hardly ever be a time that you will walk by and he will not take time to look. For the most part, he will check you out everytime you walk by because he is fascinated by you. That’s clue one.

Now, we all know that most men will come over and chat with you if he likes you. But you need to understand how he does it. He will first act professional and friendly. He will see how well the conversation can get started. If you act stuck up or withdrawn, he will think you’re not interested. (And no man likes a stuck up woman anyway). If you respond in a smiling and friendly manner, he will continue chatting with you. The reason he works cautiously around these different levels of conversation is to see if he can loosen you up and see what kind of woman you are. He wants to see if you’re joyous, friendly, exciting, etc. And the more he loosens you up, the more comfortable he will become in asking you out.

He will not ask you if you have a boyfriend until you have made him comfortable enough to do so. He will ask you things like, “Are you from this area?” “Do you live by yourself?” These questions usually lead to the answer of “Do you have a boyfriend?” He will dig as deep into your personality and background as he can. And he will almost make it his mission to chat with you every time he sees you. Unless, of course, you two are business partners or something where he has to speak with you daily. But if he takes time out of his day to come over to your department and chat, he likes you.

He will smile every single time he talks to you, and he will usually talk sweet to you. And if you have made him comfortable enough, he will flirt with you. He may tickle your stomach very quickly. He may play with your hair to get your attention. He may gently pinch you on the arm. And/or he may wink at you. But if you have not made him comfortable enough, he will not flirt with you. How do you make him feel comfortable enough? There are a few common ways. Never fail to make eye-contact when you talk to him. Never fail to smile. And never act like you’re bored, even if you are. And don’t be afraid to laugh and joke with him. In other words, being open will make him comfortable.

He will use every excuse he can to be around you. His confidence and performance at work will go up because he looks forward to being around you, if in fact you work with him. If not, you may still see an increase in this because of how happy he is. At this point, it is a dead giveaway that he likes you. At this point, it is not just his personality.

And lastly, I want to discuss one big misconception that most women have when they try to write articles like this. They call it “If everyone likes you, so will he.” Now I don’t know what planet these women are from, but that’s not how it happens on earth. A man could not care less if you’re the most popular or isolated, the head manager or regular worker. He is looking for someone to fill that lonely spot and give him the love and affection he so desires. He does not care about prestige or money.

Ladies, I honestly hope that this has been helpful. If you have any questions, please email your question to me instead of posting because the lists will get too long for me to find your post. My email is princechristopheraldridge@yahoo.com and I will get back to you ASAP. If you want to know about a man, ask a man.

Much love, Prince Christopher.

My literary site: www.christophersliterature.webs.com

I know some of you have noticed that I haven’t posted anything in over a week. I am very sorry about this but I lost my Net access because my service provider (LIME) got a lot of issues. First time I tried to contact them I got a hold of one of their customer service robots who was no help at all. About a week later, I finally seemed to be making progress with them (a much nicer woman finally came to my rescue) but I still don’t have the internet! I will be asking for a discount on my bill…

Anyways, look out for my next article very soon.