Bajan Love Notes

How To Handle Men’s Mind Games

By Gina Aimey-Moss

The use of mind games is manipulative, immature and counter-productive yet both men and women have been guilty of playing them at one point or another. The sad thing is that both sexes like to point fingers at each other for their folly without acknowledging that neither is innocent.

So why do men play games with women’s heads, even the ones they love? This could be for any amount of reasons and can vary among individuals.

Many men pretend they want a relationship with a woman. Far worse, some feign friendship, where truthfully all they really want from either scenario is to have sex with her. This tactic is much-hated by many women because it’s misleading and can lead to heartbreak and disappointment. So why do men do it? Some claim it’s an effective, albeit selfish, method to get what they want. They insist that they have tried to be upfront with other women in the past about their intentions but it blew up in their faces. They find it much easier to first draw the woman in with a friendship than be honest and get slapped in the face. This, of course, is despicable.

Some men affirm that if their relationship is based solely on sex, a woman should be able to tell that it’s the only thing her partner wants. However, as women are not mind-readers, situations tend to be more complex than that. So, ladies, be warned; if he’s not willing to wait for sex, and he says he loves you but his actions don’t match his words, his intentions may not be pure.

Another frustrating game for women is when men treat them like a girlfriend but then call them jealous if they’re caught with another woman. Moreover, they claim that it was never a serious relationship to begin with! This usually occurs because of poor communication.

The best way to avoid this situation is to discuss early on if your relationship is casual – that is, you’re free to date other people – or if it’s serious and exclusive. If it’s exclusive and you catch him with another woman, kick his butt to the curb. If he tells you he doesn’t know what he wants, you should decide if you want to stay with someone who’s being fickle or you could make a mental note that this is still a casual relationship and wait it out. Whether the two of you decide to be casual or committed, set some clear boundaries. For example, you should know if he wants to date other women beforehand instead of finding out in an unpleasant way. When that’s the case, continue to date other men so you wouldn’t be completely investing yourself in what might turn out to be a meaningless relationship.

Some men play the hot-cold game where they act intensely interested in a woman sometimes and at other times appear to be completely indifferent. This could simply be a case of mood swings; stick around and try to figure out if he’s a moody person and if he displays this type of behaviour to other people as well. However, the problem may not be mood swings but him not knowing what he really wants; he may be confused about his feelings for you or he may be considering moving on with another woman.

In general, the confusion that arises from mind games is the result of poor communication skills and immaturity. Many people find it easier to “play the fool” and dance around issues instead of being honest and addressing their problems. So, if you encounter a man who insists on “messing with your head” and no amount of prodding seems to work, it is probably time to move on.

Note: I originally published this in The Nation.

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Trackbacks & Pingbacks

  1. Women’s Mind Games « Bajan Love Notes pingbacked on 9 years, 3 months ago


  1. * blackbv says:

    Thank you for your submission to the advice for women from women blog carnival.

    | Reply Posted 9 years, 2 months ago
  2. * yodit says:

    It is nice advise so i want to send this types of message about men behaviour on love from your site.

    | Reply Posted 8 years, 7 months ago
  3. * ladygina says:

    yeah, I think women need to hear things like this.

    | Reply Posted 8 years, 5 months ago
  4. This is the 4th blog post, of your website I really read.
    Yet I really like this specific one, “How To Handle Mens
    Mind Games Bajan Love Notes” the best. Thanks -Brock

    | Reply Posted 5 years, 3 months ago
    • * ladygina says:

      Thanks, Brock!

      | Reply Posted 5 years, 3 months ago

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