Getting a good guy

Getting a good partner is a difficult task for many women, especially when they are seeking a meaningful relationship as opposed to a fling. There is no technique that will work in all situations on all individuals but these tips should be helpful to most people.

Before you can even think about finding a partner, you must have high self-esteem. Men are attracted to confident women but, unfortunately, many prey on insecure women because they know they can control and take advantage of them. Thus, work on building your self-confidence, without going to the other extreme – being egotistical and arrogant. Embark on a journey of self-discovery so you won’t seek a man to fulfill your identity.

Contrary to what many people may tell you, be picky, and don’t lower your standards. Be courteous to the men who show you interest but don’t waste your time if they bore or repulse you. It may shrink your pool of choices but wouldn’t you prefer a pool filled with men who are as extraordinary and talented as you are?

It may be tempting to do everything possible to make a good impression when you’re meeting someone for the first time. Nothing’s wrong with putting your best face forward but it can have the opposite effect when you try too hard, to the point of hiding your personality. Men can tell when you’re being fake and they really don’t like fake women. So whether you’re quirky, aggressive, or witty, be comfortable showing your true colours. If he doesn’t like your personality, he isn’t the right man for you anyway.

As I mentioned in How NOT To Get A Guy, men are weaker than women at reading non-verbal cues. Subtle cues, such as a flirtatious smile, don’t tell him much. So you may have to be more forthright about your feelings for him, that is, tell him with your words and your actions. There would be no room left for confusion.

Demand respect from him. Don’t go against your morals or beliefs just to get a man. Don’t ever feel uncomfortable saying no. A man who doesn’t respect you in the morning never respected you to begin with, and a man who doesn’t respect your wishes to wait is too impatient to make a good partner. Either way, find someone else.

Respect has to be mutual. Men hate being around a woman who emasculates them, and a good man won’t take long to leave such a woman. Don’t be afraid to compliment him now and then and respect his values.

It is also important that you have a life. Don’t centre your whole social life around a man, especially if you’re not in a relationship yet. Everyone needs their space and men don’t like women who don’t understand their need to enjoy time alone or with their friends. Pursue your goals, explore your passions, and spend time with loved ones. Busy people are attractive and besides, you’re more likely to meet someone with similar interests.

Finally, the best way to find a good man is to not look for one. Once you are happy with yourself, know your identity and engage yourself with activities that you are passionate about, you won’t have to search – he’ll come to you.

I originally published this in The Nation.

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